Best Holiday Guitar Gift NOT at Guitar Center!

My rhythm guitar poster!

I lowered the price on these bad boys for the holiday season. If you’ve learned a bunch of chords and want to figure out what to do with them THIS is the teacher that should be on your wall. Got a student in college who strums a bit between midterms? The perfect stocking stuffer! Funk, rock, reggae, fingerstyle, odd time signature lessons and more crammed into artistic coolness!

I also have a small line of cool guitar shirts, some of them with lessons on the sleeves.

Having Trouble With Guitar Pinch Harmonics?

What is it about guitar and loud, squeaky noises that makes everyone go, “OOOOOOOOO!!!”???

A cool solo is, well, a cool solo, but you sneak in some sort of “whee-whee” harmonic and guitar players’ eyes pop out of their heads. It’s a pretty common technique now, but when I was a kid hearing Satriani and ZZ Top do this it was like their guitars were Not of This Earth!

I got my teacher to show me how this effect is done. He explained it well, but I lack mechanical skills, so I sat there, digging the pick and side of my thumb into the strings, getting that clucking sound. No squeal.* So I resolved to practice this trick for five minutes a day–the limit of my patience–until I could do it.

Five minutes of annoying clucks for days! Then one day, three minutes in…WHEEEEE! Yeah, I did it! Then more endless minutes of clucks.

Then I was able to get a few more pinch harmonics in that five minute block. Finally, I had a morning where I just…got it, realized there were pinch harmonics all over the string, different frets created different notes. Then, like all guitarists with a new trick, I used pinch harmonics TO DEATH!

Now I show them to my students, some of them getting it perfect in a minute, the little sons of bitches. Maybe it’s my brilliant teaching ability? Pbbbbb…

I have found good teaching results in how you start practicing pinch harmonics. Start with the third string (IMO, a good one, not the only one) and find a natural harmonic somewhere over the pickups. I like the fat one over the 24th fret/near the neck pickup on Strats. Get that note as an open string harmonic with two hands so you know what sound you’re supposed to hear as a pinch harmonic–it’s the same note, only as a pinch harmonic you’re getting it with one hand.

In other words, practice getting pinch harmonics on one open string. See, the harmonics move when you fret notes, so if you’re constantly trying to get harmonics on different strings and frets you’re going to go crazy. Focus on one string, find the sweet spots, then transfer that knowledge across the neck.

Questions?

*Anyone ever see that Laverne & Shirley cartoon back in the late-70s/early 80s? They were in the military or something and their commanding officer was this pig named Squealy, wasn’t he? Damn, that was lame! What were they thinking???

I’ve got some weird Hotmail email virus…

The last couple weeks have had me getting truckloads of emails with “undeliverable” in the subject heading & stuff like that. At some point I realized similar stuff was going out to my friends (and many strangers) in my name. Looks like I’ve got some sort of Hotmail virus that’s going through my email contacts.

Because I’m on a Mac…

Just posting this in case anyone thinks I’m spamming them. I’m not!

My Pandora R&B Station

Nothing special, as anyone can create a Pandora station. But in case you want to cut straight to some killer Marvin Gaye, Barry White, Motown, etc. radio I’ve created a Pandora station that has been putting out some quality r&b. Now I gotta see if I can jam with it…

Keith’s Pandora R&B station.

Now I’m thinking one of these tunes needs to be declared a Thanksgiving song. The Christmas song overload has gotten BAD…seriously. There are no Turkey songs, but there are so many X-mas ones the malls are starting to play them BEFORE Thanksgiving! We must stop it!

My wacked out Hall & Oates Dream…

So I’m catching up with a friend, John Geckler…good pal from my karate days, don’t know where he went in real life, but there he is in my dream, cruising along with me and his friend, don’t know where we’re going. We stop off at a roadside diner, sit down at a center table–the place is arranged more like a classroom than a restaurant–then we pour over the menu. I can’t remember what I want, but knowing my real life obsession with chili cookoffs I’m guessing my eyes will eventually settle on something with chili on it, be a hot dog or fries.

Geckler notices there a group of guys sitting at a nearby booth. “It’s Daryl Hall & John Oates!” he says enthusiastically.

Sure enough, he’s right…H&O along with their…was it the 80s Big Bam Boom lineup with GE Smith on guitar and Charlie DeChant on keys and sax? Yeah, I think so!

And Oates was looking very 80s with his big moustache and even bigger 80s hair.

Geckler and his pal immediately pounce on the duo for autographs. I’m feeling stressed because I WANT their autographs. Hell, they’re among my biggest childhood influences–I want to worship them! But I’ve got this thing about bugging celebrities when they’re outside their performance time. Last thing I’d want to do while eating breakfast is stop to sign my name a hundred times…my eggs will get cold! So I sit there, being cool as the entire diner APPLAUDS like the ending of An Officer and a Gentleman* and dive in to get their autographs.

This dream must be taking place in the 80s. I mean, I’m sure they still have to sign plenty of autographs, but they’ve gotten enough distance from the fanfare to move about the public freely again.

Now I’m getting annoyed because Geckler and his pal come back with autographs and I don’t have squat, even though *I’m* the raging Hall & Oates fan of the group. At one point I even lobbied for H&O salt and pepper shakers for The Sharper Image catalog*. I want autographs, but I don’t want to be another jerk interrupting the band’s already interrupted breakfast.

Oates suddenly comes to the table to and gives Geckler some change. Why? Because it’s a dream…I don’t know! But I DO know I need to reach out and grab my moment with Oates, so I stick out my hand and go, “Funk Shui RULES!”**

Funk Shui was the name of his solo album that came out years back.

“Funk Shui!” Oates replies, shaking my hand. Score! And I knew I got cool points because while everyone else was gushing to them about their usual hits (“Sara Smile”, “Out of Touch”, etc.) I’d proven I was a REAL fan because I owned the album casual fans had never heard of.

But then I felt sort of guilty, like I was being fake or something. Ya see, I didn’t really like the Funk Shui album that much. I mean, the songs were good, but they didn’t grab me. Not Oates’ fault; you win some and lose some, everything subjective.

But maybe he wasn’t happy with the performance of Funk Shui on the charts and appreciated my kind gesture, even if it was fake. This is what I focused on instead of finding a way to get Hall over to my table.

If only I could make myself dream about REAL issues…solve problems, world peace or at least a better paying career.

Man, I feel pathetic!

*Which one should be the salt and which one the pepper?
**Like the movie, I’m baffled by spontaneous applause here, as if they were the planned guests of honor here???

How do keep your cat from annoying you at night…

The perpetrator? One Miss Soozy.

The crime? Walking on me & B while we’re sleeping, 2:00am, 5:00am. Back and forth, up and down. I pet her for a bit, she sits on B, who scratches her chin. She stops and The Puffball starts rubbing her cold, wet nose on any part of Keith not under the covers.

The solution? Soozy’s Time Out Box…a cat carrier.* Soozy associates this box–rightly so–with visits to the vet. Whenever Soozy goes to the vet she gets vaccination shots or in the case of our recent visit…her temperature taken. THAT way.

Needless to say, Soozy runs and hides at any sight of that box or the sound of the door latch being opened. So at 4:45am Sunday morning, she goes exploring, I fumble my way into the closet, she walks to the edge of the bed, excited that there might be food involved…

I find the box in the closet, which sits on four cases of Teddy Bear Murder CDs I squeeze the door latch with my thumb and index…

And a little shadow darts past me, not to be seen until well after sunrise!

Don’t tell me you wouldn’t do the same thing when sleep deprived by your fuzzy loved one! And YES, we tried shutting the bedroom door. Most cat owners know how that turned out…meow?

Meow.

Meow???

Meow!

MEOW!!!

*Did you really think I’d punish her by locking her up? For shame!

Michael Vick = Worst of the Worst…

Reading this article on SF Gate about a Pitbull Rescue group responsible for Vick’s remaining dogs after his arrest. Her eyewitness accounts are beyond disturbing. The way Vick and Co. tortured these animals goes beyond ignorance or misunderstanding.

We’re talking a special kind of evil. One that really can’t be reasoned with or rehabilitated. At least, not in a way I could ever be convinced.

And I haven’t heard this jerk do one serious PR event to demonstrate regret at what he did. Man, this guy is bad news…

Unless you have a valid way of convincing me otherwise, anyone who spends money on anything associated with Vick is scum. Not just scum; the scum that feeds on scum.

Petaluma Pumpkin Patch + 101 Traffic =

ME wanting to beat rubberneckers senseless with their latte cups.

The culprit? Petaluma Pumpkin Patch, just north of Petaluma, starting the incline towards Cotati. What’s the freakin’ deal, morons? It’s a PUMPKIN PATCH! I could see slowing down traffic if Michael Jackson, Elvis or a reunited Beatles were suddenly jamming for the 101 drivers…but they’re not.

You’re slowing down a mile before the pumpkin patch and the moment it appears traffic returns to normal. No accident, no scarecrow chasing kids with a bloody ax. One of the hundreds of similar pumpkin establishments all over the country–the same as the one ten minutes south, near the Novato dumps.

But for some reason traffic doesn’t stop at that pumpkin patch. Maybe it’s a redneck thing–as in Petalumans are fascinated by shiny orange balls growing in a field and need a closer looks. But last time I checked Petaluma was at least as suburban as Novato, so what gives???

It’s a freaking pumpkin patch! Keep your eyes on the road and your foot on the gas! Chant this to yourself…”I don’t see ANYTHING off the road here worth slowing down for…I’ve got things to do and the guy behind me WILL conjure road rage fantasies involving my car upside down, in a ditch, going up in a ball of flames…with ME still in it…”

DRIVE!!! NO LOOKEE! EYES ON THE ROAD!!!

Morons!

And you people running this pumpkin patch need to rethink this marketing strategy of being right next to the freeway.. Put a wall in front of your business or at the very least make a banner that quotes this blog.

Christ almighty…the human race is soooo doomed…

Journey: Live in Manila DVD–Cool!

Wasn’t really interested in this DVD at first. Already got the concert video that came with the Revelation package. But I had to seek out a Walmart to find the new KISS album (packaged the same way as Revelation, new/old/DVD) and right next to it was the Live in Manila DVD for ten bucks. Like KISS, Journey gets unconditional love from me in the end, so out the ten bucks flew from my wallet.

And it’s freakin’ COOL!

I love Steve Perry’s vocals (not to mention the songs he contributed to) and I thought Steve Augeri was fantastic. But Arnel Pineda is a KILLER frontman. Energetic, obviously thrilled to be playing for Journey in his hometown. And those vocals…wow! He hits some powerful highs.

The arrangement change in “Separate Ways” was very cool. And “Edge of the Blade”? WHOO! Schon still tears it up. And Deen Castronovo handles a few songs too. I’m glad that guy’s getting some quality vocal time. I remember his awesome drum solos seeing him with Bad English back in high school…didn’t know he had vocals to spare.

This DVD made me drag out my Revelation DVD again, which I kinda thought I wouldn’t do again, seeing how disappointed I was when I first heard it last year. Now I’m thinking the tunes have grown on me.

The Forgotten Secret to Mastering Guitar!

Exercise!

One word blog for the day!

One of my students got me thinking the other day. He likes playing standing up with the killer new Schecter he just bought. ONLY standing up. Sitting with this guitar makes him uncomfortable; he can’t find the right wrist position, the edge of the guitar sticks in his chest funny, etc. I’m trying to help him find a way to enjoy guitar sitting AND standing when the subject of back posture comes up and he says he should workout more.

My brain goes DING! Everyone should work out more. Especially guitarists!

Funny thing is that guitar players are in great shape as far as their fingers go, but for the rest of them it varies. Kids in our town have plenty of sports, skateboarding and other options to keep them mobile, so it’s easy go burn off steam. But there’s also the competition from video games, which I know many of them spend hours on*.

Sit all day playing video games, more time watching television, playing guitar…maybe leads to weight gain. Or not if you have high metabolism. But either way you need to exercise. Why?

1. To keep in shape. Duh.
2. Being in shape is more than how well your clothes fit. It improves your mood, your energy, blah, blah. I’m just a freakin’ guitar player, not a doctor! But I used to subscribe to Men’s Health and learned all sorts of stuff on how to be healthy when I wasn’t studying the articles on how to meet women!**
3. As you get older your body, uh, changes…not always for the better. I’ve probably done long term damage to my lower back through countless hours of sitting and practicing over the years. Use your body regularly or parts of it will go AWOL on you.

I’m throwing my endorsement into yoga. Started doing that a year and a half ago. Once I got over the awkwardness of being the only guy in a class of Soccer Moms I realized my back problems had tremendously improved and all sorts of other cool stuff happened in terms of flexibility and strength.

I also hit this gym called The Loop many days. One minute on each weight machine, chimes to the next one, half hour workout. I won’t be on the cover of Muscle & Fitness doing this, but I don’t have the time or patience to condition myself into a rock. This keeps me active.

Eating healthy is important to being a musician too. How are you supposed to log in so many practice hours when you’re having another sugar crash from another Red Bull. Get yourself a water purifier or a teapot!

You want to be a professional musician you need to TRAIN like one!

*Which reminds me…I HAVE to get that Brutal Legend game for my Xbox!

**I was bandless at the moment–no groupies.