Keith Music Featured in Video Game…

I’ve been hired to work on the music and sound effects for an indie game called Labyrinthica: The Quest of Lima. Here’s a sample of a level. Cool! You can play a demo of the game at www.pompipompi.net.

How do keep your cat from annoying you at night…

The perpetrator? One Miss Soozy.

The crime? Walking on me & B while we’re sleeping, 2:00am, 5:00am. Back and forth, up and down. I pet her for a bit, she sits on B, who scratches her chin. She stops and The Puffball starts rubbing her cold, wet nose on any part of Keith not under the covers.

The solution? Soozy’s Time Out Box…a cat carrier.* Soozy associates this box–rightly so–with visits to the vet. Whenever Soozy goes to the vet she gets vaccination shots or in the case of our recent visit…her temperature taken. THAT way.

Needless to say, Soozy runs and hides at any sight of that box or the sound of the door latch being opened. So at 4:45am Sunday morning, she goes exploring, I fumble my way into the closet, she walks to the edge of the bed, excited that there might be food involved…

I find the box in the closet, which sits on four cases of Teddy Bear Murder CDs I squeeze the door latch with my thumb and index…

And a little shadow darts past me, not to be seen until well after sunrise!

Don’t tell me you wouldn’t do the same thing when sleep deprived by your fuzzy loved one! And YES, we tried shutting the bedroom door. Most cat owners know how that turned out…meow?

Meow.

Meow???

Meow!

MEOW!!!

*Did you really think I’d punish her by locking her up? For shame!

Michael Vick = Worst of the Worst…

Reading this article on SF Gate about a Pitbull Rescue group responsible for Vick’s remaining dogs after his arrest. Her eyewitness accounts are beyond disturbing. The way Vick and Co. tortured these animals goes beyond ignorance or misunderstanding.

We’re talking a special kind of evil. One that really can’t be reasoned with or rehabilitated. At least, not in a way I could ever be convinced.

And I haven’t heard this jerk do one serious PR event to demonstrate regret at what he did. Man, this guy is bad news…

Unless you have a valid way of convincing me otherwise, anyone who spends money on anything associated with Vick is scum. Not just scum; the scum that feeds on scum.

Petaluma Pumpkin Patch + 101 Traffic =

ME wanting to beat rubberneckers senseless with their latte cups.

The culprit? Petaluma Pumpkin Patch, just north of Petaluma, starting the incline towards Cotati. What’s the freakin’ deal, morons? It’s a PUMPKIN PATCH! I could see slowing down traffic if Michael Jackson, Elvis or a reunited Beatles were suddenly jamming for the 101 drivers…but they’re not.

You’re slowing down a mile before the pumpkin patch and the moment it appears traffic returns to normal. No accident, no scarecrow chasing kids with a bloody ax. One of the hundreds of similar pumpkin establishments all over the country–the same as the one ten minutes south, near the Novato dumps.

But for some reason traffic doesn’t stop at that pumpkin patch. Maybe it’s a redneck thing–as in Petalumans are fascinated by shiny orange balls growing in a field and need a closer looks. But last time I checked Petaluma was at least as suburban as Novato, so what gives???

It’s a freaking pumpkin patch! Keep your eyes on the road and your foot on the gas! Chant this to yourself…”I don’t see ANYTHING off the road here worth slowing down for…I’ve got things to do and the guy behind me WILL conjure road rage fantasies involving my car upside down, in a ditch, going up in a ball of flames…with ME still in it…”

DRIVE!!! NO LOOKEE! EYES ON THE ROAD!!!

Morons!

And you people running this pumpkin patch need to rethink this marketing strategy of being right next to the freeway.. Put a wall in front of your business or at the very least make a banner that quotes this blog.

Christ almighty…the human race is soooo doomed…

Journey: Live in Manila DVD–Cool!

Wasn’t really interested in this DVD at first. Already got the concert video that came with the Revelation package. But I had to seek out a Walmart to find the new KISS album (packaged the same way as Revelation, new/old/DVD) and right next to it was the Live in Manila DVD for ten bucks. Like KISS, Journey gets unconditional love from me in the end, so out the ten bucks flew from my wallet.

And it’s freakin’ COOL!

I love Steve Perry’s vocals (not to mention the songs he contributed to) and I thought Steve Augeri was fantastic. But Arnel Pineda is a KILLER frontman. Energetic, obviously thrilled to be playing for Journey in his hometown. And those vocals…wow! He hits some powerful highs.

The arrangement change in “Separate Ways” was very cool. And “Edge of the Blade”? WHOO! Schon still tears it up. And Deen Castronovo handles a few songs too. I’m glad that guy’s getting some quality vocal time. I remember his awesome drum solos seeing him with Bad English back in high school…didn’t know he had vocals to spare.

This DVD made me drag out my Revelation DVD again, which I kinda thought I wouldn’t do again, seeing how disappointed I was when I first heard it last year. Now I’m thinking the tunes have grown on me.

The Forgotten Secret to Mastering Guitar!

Exercise!

One word blog for the day!

One of my students got me thinking the other day. He likes playing standing up with the killer new Schecter he just bought. ONLY standing up. Sitting with this guitar makes him uncomfortable; he can’t find the right wrist position, the edge of the guitar sticks in his chest funny, etc. I’m trying to help him find a way to enjoy guitar sitting AND standing when the subject of back posture comes up and he says he should workout more.

My brain goes DING! Everyone should work out more. Especially guitarists!

Funny thing is that guitar players are in great shape as far as their fingers go, but for the rest of them it varies. Kids in our town have plenty of sports, skateboarding and other options to keep them mobile, so it’s easy go burn off steam. But there’s also the competition from video games, which I know many of them spend hours on*.

Sit all day playing video games, more time watching television, playing guitar…maybe leads to weight gain. Or not if you have high metabolism. But either way you need to exercise. Why?

1. To keep in shape. Duh.
2. Being in shape is more than how well your clothes fit. It improves your mood, your energy, blah, blah. I’m just a freakin’ guitar player, not a doctor! But I used to subscribe to Men’s Health and learned all sorts of stuff on how to be healthy when I wasn’t studying the articles on how to meet women!**
3. As you get older your body, uh, changes…not always for the better. I’ve probably done long term damage to my lower back through countless hours of sitting and practicing over the years. Use your body regularly or parts of it will go AWOL on you.

I’m throwing my endorsement into yoga. Started doing that a year and a half ago. Once I got over the awkwardness of being the only guy in a class of Soccer Moms I realized my back problems had tremendously improved and all sorts of other cool stuff happened in terms of flexibility and strength.

I also hit this gym called The Loop many days. One minute on each weight machine, chimes to the next one, half hour workout. I won’t be on the cover of Muscle & Fitness doing this, but I don’t have the time or patience to condition myself into a rock. This keeps me active.

Eating healthy is important to being a musician too. How are you supposed to log in so many practice hours when you’re having another sugar crash from another Red Bull. Get yourself a water purifier or a teapot!

You want to be a professional musician you need to TRAIN like one!

*Which reminds me…I HAVE to get that Brutal Legend game for my Xbox!

**I was bandless at the moment–no groupies.

Parents Making Their Kids Practice MORE Than One Instrument?

I’m not a parent, so yeah, what I’m about to blog is written from someone who hasn’t been there…except that my brother was born when I was a freshman in high school, so I had plenty of diaper changes, terrible twos, french fries thrown into the air at McDonald’s when I’m trying to look cool in front of the college women, etc.

Even though I’m not a parent, my main job* entails working with kids and working with all types of parent. I’ve taught psycho kids with sweet, awesome parents, psycho parents with sweet, awesome kids, hyperactive rugrats, parents too important to talk to me, thus referring me to their nannies**. I did a blog on the subject of getting your kids to practice their guitar awhile back. I think it’s important that you enforce regular practice time to ensure progress on the instrument. IMO, the ones who hope their ten-year-old will take to the instrument (“We don’t want to push him…”) are wasting their money, usually. Like hoping he’ll take to doing his chores.

Be a parent! Don’t ask your child to practice–TELL him to! NOW! And if doing that with guitar results in nightly screaming matches then yeah, dump the guitar at a garage sale and move on.

But I want to talk about the other parent, the one who pushes their kids to practice. The dream parent! Take control, helps make our lesson times productive, so I don’t feel like I’m babysitting***. Unless…

They’re making their child practice another instrument in addition to guitar?

Sometimes I get guitar students who are also in school bands playing, say, trumpet. That’s cool; they learn to read music, it’s good ear training, etc. I wish more programs allowed guitar, but I understand the difficulties in doing that.

Recently I’ve come across parents who are making their kids take piano in addition to guitar. THIS one I’m at odds with, in particular because these are kids who clearly love the guitar more than piano and have shown all sorts of self-motivation to practice guitar, but NOT piano. Yet the parents INSIST they learn piano.

One parent would only allow her child to take a few lessons for fun with me, his main instrument being piano, which he’d been studying for the past four years. She was insistent he study for at least TEN years before she considered getting him regular guitar lessons. This kid came in for those few lessons showing all sorts of potential, knowing lots of chords and songs before meeting me. But the Mom had her opinion that piano was the proper long-term choice for him–it was what her own Mom had made her play.

Another young one is taking regular lessons with me. LOVES the guitar. Started his first band and played the talent show within months of his first lessons. He rocks! But lately he hasn’t practiced. Upon further investigation I got him to admit he was too busy practicing piano. I talked to Mom about it and she gave me her own personal reasons for wanting him to be proficient at piano. Who am I to complain? He’s still taking lessons!

It’s not my intention to cast these two parents as wrong in their efforts. There are countless ways to raise your kids and I lack the experience to do any armchair quarterbacking in this area. But STILL…I wonder. I think about the many parents who drop their kid off to me as an excuse to get some chores done, the ones who hyperbook them into so many activities they never have time to catch their breath. Not to mention the many students I’ve met who simply aren’t there, kids suffering from serious apathy who can’t tell me what they like, what they do, what they even had for breakfast.

When I get the privilege of teaching a kid who wants to be there and he’s being required to study another instrument he really doesn’t care about…I don’t know. I ponder.

On the other hand, piano is somewhat the centerpiece of most college music degrees, so if these kids pursue music in that arena they will be amazingly well prepared.

*Still chasing those freelance projects. Got any games or films that need sound & music? I’m your man!

**Yeah, local “TV personality” from ten years ago–I’m talking to YOU! The phone call went like this: “Hi, this is Keith, your daughter’s guitar teacher. I’m calling about your question with my month’s tuition bill.” And she replies, “I’m on my way out the door! Call back and leave a message.” Click.

Then she lectures me a year later about how I never saved her the slot I’d promised–a promise I’d never made.

***Though if the kidlet laughs at my lame jokes I’m happy to oblige!

The Best Band Name Ever!

I freakin’ HATE coming up with band names! That is, when I’m in a band, which I’m not at the moment, enjoying the God-like control of virtual gigs in Second Life. A good band name can be cool and memorable, such as KISS…it almost seems like the name of a girl’s band until you hear the greatest rock band in the world that STILL hasn’t gotten into the Rock Hall of Fame*.

A good name can make you think of the band even if you’ve never heard them. There was this band here in the Bay Area called Karate High School. Never saw or them, but damn, that’s a cool name!

The one-word name seems kinda dumb at this point. I remember a past bandmate suggesting we call our band “I think band names should be sentences.”

Then there’s my own accidental contribution to the dumb band name genre: I-ER-ER-AH! Seemed cool enough until we didn’t hear our names called at an open mic because the host mispronounced it.

And someone’s gotta say this; if you put a random number at the end of your band’s name you’re a friggin’ DORK!** May have been cool when Blink 182 did it, but your band doing it won’t attract additional fans.

Same thing with Smashing Pumpkins. Go ahead, I DARE you to call yourself Hating Papercups…

My next band will be called !!!! That’s it, just

!!!!

How do you pronounce it? You don’t…it’s a facial expression, one of utter shock, as if you’d won the lotto or been kicked in the stomach. After we line up a string of hits you’ll have to go to the local music store and ask if the new !!!! CD has come out yet. You better hope they know what you’re talking about…

*Even though most of the bands opening for them have, such as AC/DC, Van Halen, Aerosmith, Rush…no, wait–Rush is being ignored too!

**Oh, lighten up! You’re probably the only one reading this blog anyway.

“Opportunity Centers” Open in San Rafael, Novato

I’m reading this article in today’s Marin IJ about a couple hiring halls opening in Novato and San Rafael. A quick quote from Richard Halstead’s piece…

“The new opportunity centers will provide workers with access to bathrooms, running water, computers, Internet service and phones. They will serve as multicultural, multiservice centers providing temporary workers with classes to improve their job skills and resources to address a variety of other needs.”

I should choose my words carefully, as I could get extremist “deport them all” wackos posting their hate in the comments section. Likewise, the open borders “illegal immigrants can do no wrong” folks might nail me if I suggest the above service center is a bad idea.* Instead I’ll direct you to an article printed in last week’s Novato Advance. Quick summary; a family consisting of illegal immigrants from Guatemala and their US-born children are facing deportation, breakup of their family, etc. The article plays on sympathy for the family, why are they being bullied by ICE…

The conundrum seems pretty obvious, no? Our leaders, along with various special interest groups fail/prevent securing our borders and enforcing a rational immigration policy. People bust their butts to come here, take advantage of the slave labor and goodwill services such as these “opportunity centers”. Then, after families have spread their roots, ICE comes in to break up the family, creating all sorts of insane chaos for them.

At this point neither side makes sense. Why can’t we fix what can so clearly be fixed?

What also doesn’t make sense is the Marin IJ turning off their comment feature for the above service center article. I’ve been noticing that lately, potentially controversial topics being restricted from feedback. But I’ve still got my blog….bwah, ha, ha!

*It is.

Shell Vacations Club/Kona SCAM!

Alright, SCAM might be a loaded word, perhaps exaggerating, maybe unfair. But even though I’m based in Marin County I’m going to detail my recent experience to the Big Island and let you be the judge, perhaps dodge the timeshare insanity like I did.

Flew into Kona last month. For the uninitiated it works like this; small airport, miles and miles of barren, volcanic rock, almost nothing to see. Why the heck did I fly in HERE? Then WHAM–one beautiful beach after another, turquoise ocean and a very cool tourist strip selling, well, the same junk you find at any tourist strip, only it rocks because I’m in Hawaii instead of a similar trap in my neighborhood (Fisherman’s Wharf, in particular). Every place has an ocean view!

The first night finds me & the girlfriend walking down the strip, figuring out where we should have breakfast, which shop has the tacky gifts* we’ll buy before we return home, etc. All along the strip are these “adventure kiosks” that detail the amazing adventures you can partake if you’re willing to giveup your wallet: Dolphin excursions, snorkling, helicopter rides over the erupting volcano**. We know we have to do at least one of these adventures during our vacation, so we study one of the bulletin boards at a kiosk…

And the timeshare lion POUNCES!

This very outgoing, sweet woman hits us up with all sorts of questions about what trips we want to take. The hook comes in the form of promised discounts: $100 off volcano trips, half priced luaus. Hey, I’m a cheap musician, so of course I’m intrigued…how do I get these deals?

The sucker gets hooked.

She tells us about applying for a Diamond Card. Gets you all sorts of discounts. You have to make at least $55,000 a year…

I tell her I’m a musician and that doesn’t happen much, partially to get off the hook. No such luck because, as she tells us, we can make up any number we want! Just don’t buy anything in the presentation and you’ll get to leave with the Diamond Card.

Uh…presentation?

She forgot to tell me…we have to sit through a 90 minute timeshare presentation to get the card.

But it’s great, she tells us. Lie about our income, sit through a quick presentation and we can save all this money on these adventures! She urges us to sign up; we can cancel before the presentation if we want. Alright, what the hell, I sign the paperwork…

Then she asks for $20 bucks to save the slot. Ug.

She says I’ll get the twenty back if I want to cancel. It’s simply a way to make sure signups actually come to the presentation. Fine, I give her twenty and I return with my lovely travel partner to our amazing VRBO.com villa.

Thank the rare smarts I brought my laptop. I looked up Shell Vacations Club and found all sorts of info on what sort of high pressure sales hell I’d be in for. It wasn’t that the offer was such a ripoff; it depends on what you want, how often you’ll use it, whether you read the fine print and still think it’s cool. But one thing was certain…NO ONE leaves the presentation without a fight!

I finally read a message that captured my feelings, “My vacation time is too precious to give up even 90 minutes on a sales pitch.”

I drove to the resort the next morning and got my twenty back.

*Macadamia nuts, of course!
**Did it and it was AMAZING!!!

Ernie & Bert for Halloween?

I was informed last week that I would have plans on Halloween this year. TWO parties! Score! But now I need to think of a costume, something I haven’t done in years–and the years before that were variations on Mr No-Fashion-Sense, where I basically wore the most mismatched items in my closet. What to do this year?

The base element of the costume is leaning towards either Ernie or Bert. This duo has been around way too long to be the sole domain of kids, so they’ve finally come out with adult sizes. About time!

The first question is whether I should be Ernie or Bert. I feel like I have Bert’s temperament, impatient at stupid things my roommate would do, like eating crackers in bed (Ren of Ren & Stimpy is similar, but I’m too big to be a chihuahua). But I have Ernie’s playful sense of humor, prone to the cute behavior that would annoy a sidekick–my girlfriend in this case.

Decisions, decisions…then the answer came to me while said girlfriend was showing me all of her cool makeup effects she’d used on past Halloweens. It made me realize I can’t just be Ernie or Bert; I need to create a hybrid costume, a theme.

Enter PERVERT BERT!

Start with the Bert costume, put on a trenchcoat, borrow the girlfriend’s Halloween Flavor Saver mustache, some other items I can’t mention because this is a family blog…

Walk around neighborhoods on Halloween saying (in Bert’s voice), “Hey, little boy…you want some candy? Trick or treat!”

Turn on evening news to hear about pervert terrorizing neighborhood. See mugshot, cue Sesame Street theme.

Hmm…:)